


The Dragon Who Loved a Dragonslayer

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [32]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arcane texting, BDSM, Bathing/Washing, Depression, Don't copy to another site, Episode: c01e056 Hope, Eventual Smut, Gilmore's lair, Grief/Mourning, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Oranges, Spoiler hints, Tragic Romance, Vaxmore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:13:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: When Vax tries to contact Gilmore after Vox Machina defeats Umbrasyl, he finds Gilmore is not okay.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	The Dragon Who Loved a Dragonslayer

“Gilmore...I lived.” Vax had snuck back to his own room for the quiet while everyone else was having fun in the hot spring. After, of course, he’d sabotaged his sister’s bed for refusing to give his Boots of Haste back when he’d asked. 

Vax hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Gilmore properly last night. Then again, his brain had been pretty fried after a marathon of fantastic sex. But it had occurred to him as he was fighting to get out of Umbrasyl’s chest before he suffocated today, that should he die there, he would have done so without saying goodbye to Gilmore. And that had been upsetting. 

And, in spite of the fact he had objected to them taking on the dragon, Vax felt certain that Gilmore had worried about him. It seemed only right to let Gilmore know he was alright. 

Vax stared at the arcane parchment, but there was no reply. Was it that late? It was. Maybe Gilmore was asleep. There was a whooshing sound behind him, and Vax turned to see a portal of lavender light waiting. It hovered just a few feet away, a glowing ring of light suspended in midair. Through it, he could see Gilmore sitting on a velvet chaise longue in a room that was definitely nowhere in Whitestone; Vax had never seen it before. Gilmore curled a finger, beckoning him. 

Cautiously, Vax stepped through the portal. “Where is this?” he asked, looking around, curious. The room was vast and alien, but beautiful. The domed ceiling stretched up almost too high to see. But Vax could see it, because every inch was tiled with shimmering glass, like mirrors, but in the most beautiful shades of rose and gold and red. So much color, it almost overwhelmed his eye. The shimmering glass reflected light from the few oil burning lamps in the room and gave the whole space a warm, comforting glow. There were numerous ornamental rugs lining the floor, some piled high with pillows in jewel tones, and large comfortable chairs made of woven reeds. There was also more Tal’Doreian-styled furniture, higher-end than Vax had seen since he and Vex’ahlia had left Syngorn. He could see no hearth, but the air was warm. The heat seemed to be radiating up from the floor itself; the areas of tile that were not covered by rugs were warm against the soles of his bare feet. 

“It’s someplace I like to come...when I’m feeling…” Gilmore turned away and quickly brought one long sleeve to his cheek. 

“Are you...crying?” Vax took a step toward him. “What’s wrong?” He’d expected Gilmore to be happy. Gilmore was always happy.

Gilmore shook his head. “It’s not something you can help. I’ll be fine.” 

Vax walked over and sat down next to him. “Try me.”

Gilmore sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Was he not looking at Vax on purpose? “This is difficult.”

Vax was suddenly filled with dread. “Are you breaking up with me? Oh my god, you are, aren’t you?” He stood, suddenly, glancing around for the portal so that he could flee before it could happen.

Gilmore rose from the chaise behind him, putting his arms around Vax and holding him, keeping him from running, though the portal was gone. “You stupid, stupid boy,” Gilmore said gently. He held Vax by the shoulders, kissing the top of his head. 

Inside, Vax was panicking. He didn’t know what to do with Gilmore like this. Gilmore was never like this. It was scaring him. 

“Just stand right here.” Gilmore let go of Vax and walked away, his face averted so Vax still couldn’t tell if he was crying or not. 

“Gilmore?” Vax didn’t know what to do. Should he go? He felt helpless. Gilmore returned after a few moments with a bowl, an urn, and sponges. 

“Take off your clothes,” Gilmore said, and not in a sexy way. Vax started to unbuckle his armor, and Gilmore moved behind to help him in silence. It was almost clinical, and Vax felt distinctly uncomfortable, like an alien in his own body. He didn’t know what was happening, and Gilmore gave no clue, remaining quiet. He helped Vax step out of his breeches and then knelt down on the intricate rug, pouring water into the bowl and wetting a sponge before starting to wipe Vax down. 

That was when Vax realized his armor was still caked with blood and bile, the side effects of both the battle and the butchery they’d done after. He hadn’t even thought of it, which said a lot about his current mental state. “You don’t have to do that,” Vax told Gilmore softly, ashamed. “I can wash myself.” 

“Just let me,” Gilmore said, his voice thick with emotion. Vax wasn’t sure what that meant, but he decided it couldn’t be good. He kept his mouth shut and began to emotionally shut down. Maybe he should just have gone to bed. 

“What did I do?” Vax asked, finally, desperate to break the heavy silence between them. 

“Only what you had to,” Gilmore replied softly, still washing the blood and viscera off. 

“Do you hate me now?” Because there was a real fear in him that Gilmore did. He was acting so strangely tonight.

“No.” Gilmore looked up at him, then, for the first time since last night. “I could never hate you.” But it was obvious now he’d been crying. The streaks of moisture and eye makeup on his cheeks were fresh. Seeing them, Vax immediately bent down to grip Gilmore’s hands, looking to him for permission before hesitantly sliding his arms around Gilmore. 

He let go of the sponge and put his arms around Vax, resting his forehead on Vax’ildan’s shoulder, quietly. Vax dared to hold him tighter, gently brushing the myriad braids interwoven with gold thread and jewels, back over Gilmore’s shoulders. Vax squeezed him, his fingers tracing a circle between Gilmore’s shoulder blades. 

This was such a role reversal. Scary, in one way, but in another, it made Vax feel strong. In charge. Like he was the adult, for once. “What happened?” he asked Gilmore again. “Tell me.” But Gilmore didn’t answer, he just held tightly to Vax and remained silent. “Alright, then. Don’t tell me.” Vax withdrew to look Gilmore in the eye. “How can I make it better?” He touched Gilmore’s cheek, wiping away some of the moisture with his thumb. 

Gilmore took a deep breath. “Just get clean. And stay with me.” 

“I shouldn’t even have come here like that,” Vax realized. “I didn’t even think of it. Gods.” 

Gilmore took his hand before Vax could berate himself any further. “I think you’re clean enough now.” He stood, leading Vax to a steamy bath suite even more fancy than the one in Scanlan’s mansion. The bath itself was enormous, and had eight sides. At each point stood a pillar, which arced up to a vaulted ceiling, creating a beautiful geometric design out of the stone itself. There was a window in the very center that made the formation of columns and lines where they met above look like a star, or a stylized sun. The walls were covered with mosaic patterns in ceramic tile, with recessed washing stations edged in gold, fit for a king. Vax watched quietly as Gilmore undressed and twisted his hair up so that it would not get wet.

“My god, you’re beautiful.” It wasn’t something Vax took the time to notice often. Where the soft magelight touched it, Gilmore’s dark umber skin shone with golden highlights. His body was statuesque, but soft in the middle, curves of muscle and creature comfort combined into a sight Vax had come to love, both desirable and comforting. 

But Gilmore didn’t reply. He just reached for Vax, stepping down into the hot water, where Vax spied stairs below the surface. He followed, curious about how deep it was. “Is this a bath or a pool?” he asked, surprised when the water came up to his armpits. 

“It’s whatever I want it to be,” Gilmore said, drifting further toward the middle of the bath, his shoulders still above the surface. Vax followed, finding he had to swim after just two steps. How was Gilmore doing that? Magic? 

“I feel like I’m taking another water escape test at assassin school,” Vax joked, dog-paddling toward Gilmore. He gasped when something serpentine wrapped around his ankle, pulling him to Gilmore. “I don’t mean to sound rude, but what the fuck was that?” 

Gilmore reached out and grabbed Vax by the arms, drawing him close. His hands became greedy, sliding over Vax’ildan’s face, the curve of his neck, gliding over his ribs down to settle on his hips. “It’s a part of me I haven’t shown you before,” Gilmore said, his mood suddenly changed from solemn to passionate. 

Vax laughed, breathless. “If I’d known it could do this, I feel like our lovemaking could have been even more imaginative.” He cupped Gilmore’s face and kissed him, finally beginning to relax now that Gilmore was acting more normal. 

“You’re very funny,” Gilmore said, gripping his buttocks and kissing Vax roughly. He felt his limbs go wobbly and reached out to wind them around Gilmore like an amorous koala. They kissed for a long time, making a contest of it. Gilmore started the battle, but Vax used his position for leverage, gaining the upper hand, so-to-speak. Now Vax was excited, gently scratching and biting, sucking fresh teeth marks into Gilmore’s throat. “Vax’ildan,” Gilmore scolded gently, when Vax got a little too enthusiastic. 

“No. Wait right there,” Vax said, ducking under the water to put his mouth on Gilmore in a way he knew Gilmore would like. His glorious cock was interested, but not yet grown to full mast. Vax knew how to change that. Finally, he ran out of air and had to come up above the surface. 

“What are you doing?” Gilmore asked, not as affected by his efforts as Vax would have liked. 

“Well, nothing right, if you’re still able to ask,” Vax said. Gilmore gripped him by the hair and pulled his head back before kissing Vax again. “Or not.” Vax jerked Gilmore’s body against him, moving on Gilmore’s hard flesh to tease him with friction before capturing Gilmore’s cock between his thighs. 

“What are you doing?” Gilmore asked again, his voice breathy, more engaged this time. 

“I’m trying to tease you into fucking me,” Vax growled. “Is it working?” 

Gilmore’s eyelids drooped. “And why would you want that?” 

Why would he want that?! “Because you’re fucking sexy, and I love you.” Vax suddenly felt them reach the far end of the pool, his shoulders running up against the edge. He found himself trapped between Gilmore’s body and the tile. 

“Is that what you want from me?” The way Gilmore looked at Vax, then, was more like he was an inhuman creature granting a boon. Vax felt like what Gilmore was really asking him was something else. So he tried to answer carefully.

“I don’t want anything from you,” Vax said. “But what you want to give. And what you’ll let me give you.”

“What would you give?” Gilmore asked. His dark eyes held the light of distant galaxies, ancient and unknowable. 

Vax replied simply by kissing him. “Can I give you your joy back? I’m not used to seeing you sad.” 

“I am sad,” Gilmore said. “Often.” 

“Then I’m sorry for not seeing it before.” Vax rested his forehead against Gilmore’s, and Gilmore laid his palm against Vax’ildan’s cheek, silently communing. “What a couple of pathetic bastards we are.” 

Gilmore kissed him, softly but insistently. “You make me happy.” His voice was almost inaudible. 

“I can’t see how,” Vax said. “I can’t seem to even make myself happy.” Gilmore kissed him again, teasing Vax’s tongue with his own. “You let me feel safe,” Vax said, when their lips finally parted. “When I’m with you, I feel safe.” 

“You don’t want to feel safe,” Gilmore pointed out. 

“Sometimes I do,” Vax argued. “Like now. But what about you?” He touched Gilmore’s cheek. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade.” 

Gilmore kissed him more forcefully then, one hand pushing against the small of Vaxildan’s back, pressing their bodies together. “It’s fair,” he said, his voice gone sultry. “And will you leave me again because you feel safe with me?” 

“No.” Vax shook his head so that their noses brushed together. “Not leave you. This place, yes. But I’m in no hurry to die.” 

Gilmore cupped Vax’s cheek and closed his eyes, his forehead resting against Vax’ildan’s. “That is good to hear.”

“Don’t you die, either,” Vax said, not sure what they were really talking about anymore. 

“Not for a very long time,” Gilmore said. “Perhaps you will be waiting there for me when I do.”

“I think I’ll probably die first,” Vax said. “So I will be. I’ll wait for you.” Gilmore kissed him hard, then, almost desperately, cupping Vax’s face with both hands. 

“A promise you make to me is forever,” he warned. 

“I promise,” Vax said. 

“You may not recognize me,” Gilmore warned. 

“I’ll still know you,” Vax said. 

“You may not remember me,” he warned. 

“My heart will remember,” Vax said. 

Gilmore took Vax’ildan’s hand and wove their fingers together. “Let’s get out of this water,” he whispered. 

“Then can we fuck?” Vax asked, impatient. 

“I believe that can be arranged,” Gilmore said, looking back at him with a smile. He led Vax to a familiar bedroom which was both like and unlike the one that had been destroyed back in Emon. 

“This is where you brought me that night,” Vax said. “What is this place?” 

“Don’t ask too many questions,” Gilmore warned, sliding one hand under Vax’s hair to stroke the nape of his neck, teasing him for a kiss. Vax gave it to him, following Gilmore toward the bed of gold. But when he climbed in, it was soft as down. When Vax looked, it was just a featherbed mattress, he could see no coins. 

“Are you making me see this?” he asked, suspicious. 

“What do you want to see?” Gilmore asked. 

“The truth.”

“I can’t show you the whole truth,” Gilmore said. “You must always allow me some room for mystery.”

“Alright,” Vax agreed. “I like your mystery; it’s sexy. But I’ve seen your bed before. It’s stuffed with gold coins, not feathers.” 

Gilmore’s eyes narrowed, and he pushed Vax down onto his back. “Clever boys with high perception rolls get spanked here.”

“How are you going to spank me if I’m on my back?” Vax asked, teasing. 

“Oh, I know a way,” Gilmore said, gripping his knees and hoisting Vax up. 

“I stand corrected,” Vax said, reaching for Gilmore.

“Not yet.” There was a contraption suspended above the bed Vax had not noticed before. His blood thrilled when Gilmore began to fasten him into it. 

“And you’re sure this is punishment?” Vax asked. 

“Just wait and see,” Gilmore said. 

* 

The lower half of Vaxildan’s body was very pink by the time Gilmore let him out and lowered him to the mattress. His arms and back bore many marks, fresh bruises blooming a lurid blue on his pale skin. Vax panted and sweated in Gilmore’s arms, feebly crawling to him and curling up to rest against his chest. “Maybe that was too much,” Gilmore said, smoothing Vax’ildan’s hair back. 

“Not too much,” Vax said. “I’m fine. But love me. You have to love me now.” 

“I never stopped,” Gilmore said, kissing his forehead gently. Vax lay quietly against him while Gilmore took care of him and made sure he was clean and comfortable and spoiled once more.

Vax stretched to reach his arm across Gilmore’s chest, hugging him weakly. “Do you forgive me now?” he asked softly.

Gilmore sighed, tucking Vax’ildan’s hair back behind one pointed ear. His bronze fingers gently traced the bruises on the half elf’s back, watching his face as Vax winced, ever so slightly. “I forgive you.” 

That was enough for Vax, who allowed his eyes to finally fall shut as he drifted into an exhausted sleep. Over and over again in his dream, Vax watched Umbrasyl struggling to speak with his last breath, and only bubbles emerging through the blood and bile. 

*

_I name you Death. Avenge me._

Those words came back to haunt Gilmore today. But how could he harm his beloved Vax’ildan? 

The old problem had reared its ugly head once more: loving the killer. It was history repeating itself like a fascinating, horrific dance, inevitable as fate and entropy.

Gilmore cradled Vax against him. His destiny was not his fault; Vax was not to blame. And he had begged Gilmore to hurt him as much as he dared. How could Gilmore take revenge on that? 

He sighed, closing his eyes, weary. If this was how it felt after the death of the first of them, dark days lay ahead.


End file.
